Ashes denote that Fire was —
Ashes denote that Fire was — Revere the Grayest Pile For the Departed Creature's sake That hovered there awhile — Fire exists the first in light And then consolidates Only the Chemist can disclose Into what Carbonates -Emily Dickinson
It’s only been three months since the fires burned down my home, but I swear it feels like three years. A million thoughts flow through me daily about things lost in the fire. I practice observing those thoughts, watching them float through my visceral memory like little dandelions blowing through the air and disappearing into the wind. My heart aches for the thousands of others who also lost their homes, and then I return to the harsh realities of insurance, rebuilding, finding a place to live, clothes, furniture, books, spoons, forks, plates, maybe a rug or two, and more and more things. Things, I guess I need, or do I? Maybe it is best to have just a suitcase so you can leave anytime. Why put down roots if those roots can be taken away? Or am I looking at this all wrong? I could see the fire as a “rebirth,” as my friend told me. I could start over, but the other me, the one before the fire, was happy as was. I did not need to die and come back, metaphorically, that is. I was doing pretty okay, actually and thank you very much for asking. So, what would I be if I were to be reborn now? Definitely older. I feel older. Will I do things differently now? I think I might. I think I might choose to live more simply. We aren’t in this world that long after all. Why collect all these things? Why not just spend our time connecting, loving, and living? In the end, we are the chemists who can disclose what carbonates, right? I ask you, what is truly meaningful to you? What would you put in that little suitcase if you needed to go right this second? Love, hugs, memories, and probably a passport? Yes, me too.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem and reflection.